Well, this post may be polarizing so, as one of my friends has already commented, as a Canadian I must apologize in advance.
We have been developing a new morning routine since Mr-J started kindergarten. Everyone has to be up by 7:10 and has to immediately get on with it. Lunches to make, coffee to brew, diaper to change, showers to take, breakfast to eat, people to dress... There is little room to indulge in a spontaneous event of indeterminate length, little freedom.
While Mr-J was eating his cheerios & raisins without milk two days ago he explained that there are two ways you can salute the flag: you can stand with your arms at your side or you can put your hand over your heart. He realized at that point that he has an American flag, a gift from the Bolivians downstairs, and that he would like us to form a circle around him and salute the flag as they do in school.
I didn't really have a problem with this request. I like to entertain Mr-J and I like opportunities to show my obedience (yes, I do) and I must also admit that I encouraged this event partly to see how Valentino would react. Valentino is not a strong proponent of nationalism, except when Canada is playing for the gold in hockey under any circumstance.
As expected Valentino was hesitant to participate and even went so far as to say he didn't really like the idea of saluting the flag. I didn't really like that he was voicing his opinion and threatening disobedience and potentially taking the enjoyment out of this for Mr-J.
"Oh come on Valentino, this will be over quickly."
"Mr-J why do you salute the flag?" Valentino queried.
"Out of respect."
"Respect for what? Why do you pay respect?"
(This is highly disobedient and we might be late for school. I will most certainly fall down.)
"Because everyone does."
"That's not a good reason. You don't do something because everyone else does it."
"Because the teacher tells us to salute the flag."
"Well, you should do what the teacher tells you but you could ask her why."
Question the teacher? This was just going from bad to worse for me.
Finally Valentino agreed to take part in the ceremony. He held Ms.Belle and we faced each other and saluted the flag Mr-J was holding happily.
"And now we have to say the words." Mr-J said.
"Words?" I thought. It didn't occur to me what he was talking about. What words? Dammit this is time-consuming.
"I love Obama." I said.
Mr-J laughed. "No! That's not what you say. Wait.."
And then without warning he suddenly blurted (something like):
To the President of the United States of America and the Republic for which it stands. One Nation, under God, for all.
Wow. I was not expecting that. Neither was Valentino, who looked physically ill. How does one react to that? This phrase is loaded with meaning, none of which Mr-J understands, and yet he is repeating it with confidence and pride and asking that we repeat it.
"Wow, you have a great memory." I said. Valentino walked away but did mention that the phrase "under God" excluded some people and thus was not very nice.
Needless to say this was a tense morning since complex issues were raised without the time to address them. It was also one of those situations where I could see that Valentino and I had pretty different opinions on how to handle it. I don't think that Mr-J is mature enough to have a discussion about religion, nationalistic pride, or even questioning authority. I don't want him to be the little shit disturber on the playground enlightening other kids, like my frenemy in grade 2 who exclaimed, after I had been discussing Santa, "You still believe in Santa Claus?" (I must, as per my heritage, apologize, but the analogy is somewhat deliberate. My outing and sense of betrayal and confusion regarding the existence of this big bearded man has had long-lasting effects. But I digress.) Valentino on the other hand wants Mr-J to think about what he says and does, and of course I agree with him. But how and when does one introduce these challenging issues?
Wow, Ang! That's some complicated stuff to have to deal with first thing in the morning - politics, religion, status quo, child-rearing philosophies..... I have to say that I never would have thought that this would be a problem...that is to say until I read your post. I'm split about it. In any other circumstances with adults, I would totally agree with Valentino but , you are totally right about how young Mr. J is. I know what I think I would like to do should I ever be in that situation but of course what I imagine child-rearing to be and what it will likely be are, I'm sure and I'm afraid, two VERY different things. But I do think that kids should be taught that it is okay to ask questions (politely and respectfully) about things, including things like the pledge. Any good teacher should be able to handle this and explain why without discouraging future questions from children and without, his or herself being offended - if not, then it's better that you find this out about the teacher early. Keep me up do date about what you guys decide to do and how it works. I'm keeping all your posts in my head for future reference when Kev and I finally have kids.
Posted by: Spak | 10/04/2009 at 10:47 AM